Tummy Alarm (probably too much information )
Sep. 5th, 2005
I'm sure most folks are aware of the "Tummy Alarm".. the one that, when it sounds, you know you better get to the nearest familiar toilet in the next 3 minutes or there's going to be some doom in your pantaloons. The noise and grumble of your colon gargling on liquid death about to spill forth.. that's the one...
So anywho.. Yesterday I was at a family get-together at my Uncle's (which is actually a house still under construction). My brother, mother and I all went in my car. My dad got to stay home to watch the dogs since my sister's dog was still here to visit and is a handful (I just got instant messaged a few minutes ago and was told he was hit by a car and it is probably fatal..they are taking him to the vet now.. just as a really bizarre side note since I do seem to include a lot of pet deaths...).
We usually leave gatherings early because my dad doesn't like to stay long, but since he wasn't going we got to stay extra long, allowing my mom to yap away about politics, her opinion on stuff, things she believes they should do studies about, and confusing Denmark and Holland.
The seating wasn't too good, so I got to sit on a cinder block in the gravel driveway. After about four hours of listening to mindless banter the Tummy Alarm sounded. There was no way to stop my ma's jaw from flapping. She'd get on a subject and just wouldn't stop. I couldn't think of any good way to signal her that we needed to leave RIGHT NOW with out seeming rude or letting on that I was about to have a major bowel episode.
I'm not one for using other people's bathrooms, especially for these types of cases.
It was a really close call, but I did make it to my own toilet just in time.
Also, I realized way too late that my cousin's new boyfriend (who was at the party) was some one I went to college with and talked to all the time. Then I was too embarrassed to say anything to him because I didn't recognize him at first.. He always had a hat on at school and he didn't at the party.. damn.. I will have to probably deal with the next family gathering we have, provided they are still an item. And this isn't the first time something like this has happened. I saw one of my friends from high school (and I only had about 3 friends in high school) working the drive-threw at McDonald's and I didn't recognize her.. She said hi to me and I acted all confused. Every time I've seen her since then she pretends I don't exist, obviously mad that I'm such a fricken jackass.
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